When I decided to write the recent article on my past sexual bondage, it was under great and lengthy conviction from my conscience and my greatest motivation was to share my story with a person or people who might be in a similar situation and who will be comforted to know that they are not alone. The most burdening thing about walking around with this kind of a secret is the fact that one believes that it is impossible to talk to anyone about it since he or she feels that no one would understand. As a result, one is reluctant to ask for help. There is also the haunted feeling that somehow the secret will come to light and that the people who matter would know about that which had been so carefully concealed by the darkness. That thought is as terrifying as imagining one being undressed in public.

Every person carries a secret and no matter how big or how small it is, each one imagines that his burden is the heaviest and would be glad if they could tell it to someone else who will listen just so that it can get lighter. In most cases, such a person will choose a complete stranger – say a shrink – rather than someone who is close to them. To tell the secret to someone who knows us would require a guarantee that the person not only seals their lips for ever but also accept us completely and Love us without any judgment. However, the terror of realizing that we might not be acceptable in the eyes of those who we desire to Love us makes us model ourselves from copies of what we think is acceptable as a human being. And that is how people end up splitting themselves into multiple persons; one for each occasion as need be.

If we decide to accept ourselves as human beings capable of falling and rising, then it is possible for us to let others see us for who we are. I am saying that as someone who for years, has desired forgiveness from God, from other people, and above all from himself and not being capable of receiving it because of imagining that his mistakes are too great. It is very hard for a person who will not accept forgiveness to forgive and accept others. I am praying that God gives me what it takes to accept others just as I expect them to accept me.

I am naturally wondering what the people who know me are thinking after reading the article. I realize that there might be someone or people who will feel offended or betrayed not only by those decisions I made in the past, but because these people can directly be associated with me through various liaisons. I know it might even seem inappropriate that I should air my linen in public so shamelessly, but the fact is that truth eventually heals after seeming initially to sicken. And so to all I say that I am truly sorry. I am totally responsible for my behavior and so have no excuse to give for all the things that I did that hurt others.

Each one of us is made right by the grace of God, the Love of Jesus Christ, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. May God continue to give all of us what it takes to ask for forgiveness whenever necessary and also to forgive those who have wronged us always, Amen!