Isaiah Ole Kutatoi my storyteller informs me that Maasai men generally get married in their twenties to girls in their teens. This might not necessarily be true today due to school attendance and other factors. Like most traditional marriages in many Kenyan tribes, the Maasai marriage not only brings together husband and wife, it also results in a tight bond between two huge families. For that reason, the process is long and involves far-flung relatives from both the families. Among the Maasai, cupid’s arrow can strike young hearts during various outdoor activities including cattle herding, fetching water and village dances. This then sets in motion a series of events that culminate in the two lovers living together as husband and wife.

The man sets the ball rolling by informing his father about his romantic involvement with the girl and his intentions to marry her. It is important that the father approves. Approval is usually determined by the attitude that the old man has towards the family from which the girl hails from. Being the head, the father’s disapproval of any activity in the family might end up throwing everything in disarray – a highly undesirable occurrence. Anyway, as soon as the father approves of his son’s choice he gives his blessing and starts playing his important role in helping his boy get a wife of his own.

The father will kick off the process by sending two containers filled with traditional alcoholic beverage to the father of the girl early one morning. Usually, a proxy delivers the 40 liters of liquor to the girl’s father. The girl’s father who might not be aware of his girl’s involvement with the young man will invite a few of his friends to enjoy the unexpected windfall. As custom dictated, the small group will then question the proxy about the origin of the liquor. Then the girl’s father will learn of the identity of the suitor.

The father whose son wants to get married will next sent word to the prospective in-laws informing them of an impending visit. On that day, he will arrive accompanied by fellow elders with 4 containers of traditional liquor. The women will prepare food for the visitors and the older men from the two families will then spend the day together. On the evening of that day, the young man and his friends will deliver 2 roasted goats to be consumed by the men and women in the homestead. This meeting serves as a green light that the girl’s family has accepted the bridegroom as a suitable mate for her. There is usually great excitement during such ceremonies that is always accompanied by singing and dancing.

Next, the bridegroom makes a visit accompanied by one friend in order to ‘ask for a house.’ This is a term that is used to refer to a ceremony where the bridegroom requests to be allocated a bed in the in-law’s homestead where he can cohabit with his bride. In this visit, the young men carry a gift in the form of rump steak, milk mixed with blood (a Maasai delicacy), or processed animal fat. These goodies are given to the bride’s mother who shares them with other women in the village.

A few night’s later, the bridegroom will arrive by himself and after some tête-à -tête with the in-law parents, he will be shown a bed where he may sleep with the bride. He then becomes more or less a member of the in-law family and is treated like one of the sons of the home. Apart from sleeping there, he is also assigned tasks like other men in the compound. At around this time, the bridegroom’s family would have arranged another visit in which the two larger in-law families get to meet. In this meeting, distant relatives are invited to share in consuming the 9 containers of traditional liquor brought by the bridegroom’s family. Out of the 9 containers, only one is reserved for the women. At this ceremony, the gift of a humongous bull with long horns and high hump is also given to the bride’s family. As usual the festivities are accompanied by music and dancing.

As soon as the bride gets pregnant, the man has to make arrangement for the couple to move to his own home. At this point, custom requires that he pay 7 cows as dowry. The 7 cows dowry is accompanied by 1 sheep, which is slaughtered as an offering to the well being of the expectant mother. With the dowry paid, the young man is now ready to move out with his new wife.

On that day, the two families converge for a formal ceremony. Here, the man and woman are advised by speakers from both families on what is expected from each one of them and from both of them in married life. The couple then receives blessings from elders before heading to their new home together. On arriving at the husband’s compound the wife is welcomed by members of her new family with praise and gifts. The gifts include livestock offered by her new relatives. She then settles into her new home in married life. A year or more might pass between the time the first ceremony takes place and the time that the couple moves to their new home.