Dear Guess,

I am fine and so is everyone else in the family. It’s been quite a while so I will give you a small highlight of what has been happening since you left.

I changed my career. You might be the only one who might fully appreciate my decision. You knew how unhappy I was then. It took a lot of hard work but it was worth the while.

I got to visit the spot by the lake where you took that photograph that I love so much. I stood exactly where you stood and tried to feel what you felt on that day. Unfortunately, I was on holiday with other people and so I did not linger long enough.

You would not imagine the things they are accusing Michael Jackson of doing to little boys! We still love his music though.

Our parents are happier now. They moved into a new home where they are growing old together. Dad is turning into an almost pleasant old man! I guess mom finally convinced him that it is just as satisfying to smile to another person, as it is to ask for his or her academic achievements on the first meeting! Mom still has the 5-year-old boys in the neighborhood competing for her attention. She is still that nice and pretty.

The others in the family are all fine. Our big bro named one of his kids after you. She was so sickly at first that we all individually agonized secretly about her fate. She is now fine. She is the tiniest kid with the biggest smile. We nicknamed her “Nana” because of her size and sweetness. She is so very precious to everyone and sometimes I worry she will get spoil by all the attention.

Well, it was not easy at all when you suddenly left. I have never seen mom cry so openly and so painfully before. I think that is the moment that I respected dad the most in my life. It was because of the one question that he asked her; “How much more have we been together?” With that, mom calmed down considerably. That moment left me amazed since I considered this to be the biggest thing that ever happened to our family.

I guess I was numb until the following day. One song titled A Long December kept playing in my head over and over again. I remember picking up your son’s tiny kindergarten sweater from the laundry basket the following morning. I saw the embroidery that you did of his name on the inside of the collar. That was when my knees gave in and I cried with an aching of the loss of another person. A son losing a mother.

Of course your husband was the worst of us all. We had to separate him from your son for most of the first few days. There was a big dilemma on who was going to make an only 4-year-old understand that his mother was not coming home again ever. I would not know what to tell my son if he asked me why I am letting them put his mother in a box, underground, and cover her with soil. All our hearts were broken as we watched father and son holding on to each other during your funeral. Remembering that embrace convinces me that it was the origin of a unique bond that is uncommon between father and son yet so obvious between the two of them.

Your son is a big boy now. Almost a man. He has another mom who is almost like a sister to him. Your husband is happy and doing well for himself in business. I am sure you would approve and be proud of them as individuals and as a family.

The December of 96 was the longest I ever had. I cannot help but see it as an ironic way of fulfilling my childhood wish of having a long December. Only I wish you were here.

We all miss you Guess.

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A Long December

A long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Oh the days go by so fast

And it’s one more day up in the canyons
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven
I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it’s one more day up in the canyons
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California
I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it’s one more day up in the canyon
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean
I guess I should

Lyrics by Counting Crows