What makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? How come people turn out so differently; even people with similar backgrounds? What gives someone the competitive edge? Why is it that some people rise above all the challenges and become so much more?

We sometimes become frustrated while trying to accomplish things and fail to achieve them. That bad feeling makes us want to rationalize by thinking that maybe people that succeed on a larger scale do so because they have so many more resources than we do. Maybe they have better backgrounds, or more education, or mentors, or money, or someone who really cared about them, or they had a perfect childhood. But this is absurd because we both know that people that are given everything don’t always turn out so well. We know of people who have been given all the background, all the education, all the money, a perfect childhood, total love and support and yet don’t turn out to be anything. They never get challenged enough and that is probably why they never develop any emotional muscle and never discover who they really are inside.

Then we see people who have been given virtually nothing. If anything, they have been given pain. We watch them turn out to become the kind of people you and I think about and wonder, ‘What an extraordinary human being!’ – The kind of people that inspire us…the kind of people who everyone in the world knows their name. Nelson Mandela? Mother Teresa?

What would you think of the future of a baby girl born to a 13-year-old mother with no father and no visible support? It probably wouldn’t be what most people call a bright future. Most people wouldn’t predict something great. What if I told you that the little girl would be abused both physically and sexually several times before she was even 13 years old. And what if I told you that at 13, the little girl became pregnant herself and gave birth to a stillborn child. What would you predict would be her future? What if by 14, she was so frustrated she was being sent to juvenile home for the kind of behavior she was indulging in. What would her future be then? Most people wouldn’t predict a very bright future. You probably wouldn’t think of this person as having a future you would know. You wouldn’t think of this person as Oprah Winfrey: That’s exactly who she is.

It is not what happened. It is what you do with what happened that shapes your life. What can you control? You definitely cannot control the weather, but you can control how you react to the weather. If you look at it, you will see that there are two worlds really. There is the outside world, filled will all the things we are trying to control, yet feel so uncertain inside because it is not within our power. And then there is the inside world… the area we have absolute control over. If we become the shapers of our minds, of our emotions, of what we believe, what we decide, what we do… there is where the power is in life.

- From Lessons In Mastery (Audio) by Anthony Robbins

As everybody was sleeping soundly one night, a stranger arrived in a small town in the countryside. Though no one saw him come, the inhabitants of the town were deeply alarmed the following morning; it was obvious that this was no ordinary person. The reason is because during that night and many more to follow, the stranger would prowl through the town gathering cows, sheep, goats and even dogs. He would then herd them up the hill into a cave that had become his home since he arrived. Those who chanced to glimpse the stranger through curtain slits in their darkened rooms reported a silhouette of a man that was bigger than any they had ever seen before. Most people were not even sure that they were dealing with a human being at all. For that reason, the stranger was referred to as ‘the monster.’

The town people were becoming restless since they were losing their animals at an alarming rate. That is why the mayor called a meeting at the town square in order to mobilize his people for action against the monster. During that meeting, a brave young man called Edward Bloom came forward and volunteered to go and talk to the stranger. Edward promised to try and persuade him to go away and thus avert trouble. Everyone knew Edward since it was not unusual for him to undertake perilous missions for the sake of saving lives and property belonging to the town folks. He had a knack for surviving from the most precarious situations and earned great respect for such a young man. This time however, it was doubtful how he was going to pull off this stunt.

That evening, Edward walked up the hill and carefully approached the monster’s cave. He could see the bones of the stolen animals strewn all around the hillside. Cautiously approaching the mouth of the cave, he challenged the stranger to come out. His loud voice startled a pack of vultures that were meticulously cleaning off the flesh from a hastily eaten carcass. The huge birds flew off to watch the scene from a nearby tree, with their jutted bald heads giving an impression of great curiosity. They might as well have been because suddenly, the monster stepped out of the cave. The young man who was revered as the bravest in the little town was visibly taken aback. For, standing in front of him was a giant!

Towering at a height taller than a house, Edward’s head only managed to grace the top of the giant’s knees. His palm was big enough to wrap around a sheep in one clean sweep and could effortlessly carry a grown-up cow with both hands. Though humongous, his head had all the features of a human being; ‘Too pretty to belong to a monster,’ Edward inwardly observed. Seeing the terror on the Edward’s face, the giant assured him that he would not eat him.

And that is all the encouragement Edward needed to start his unprecedented task. Being a gentleman as his town required, Edward initiated a formal introduction and learnt that the stranger’s name was Karl. This gentle giant, seen as a monster in the fearful community, was just a confused and lonely large man.

During the conversation, it emerged that the only reason why Karl stole the animals from town was because he was always hungry. From his huge frame, it was obvious that he needed a lot of food to keep him full. That is when Edward posed a question to the giant; “Has it occurred to you that you are not too big? That it is this town that is too small for you?” To elaborate, Edward informed Karl that he should move to the city where they serve buffets with all the food he could eat. Karl suspected that Edward was just trying to make him go away from the small town and promptly voiced his concern. To his surprise, Edward offered to accompany him to the city since as he put it; “This town is too small for a man of my ambitions.”

Thus began an adventure of the giant and the brave young man, which would last until death parted them.

This story is enacted in the movie Big Fish. In the 2003 movie, Edward Bloom has always been a teller of tall-tales about his oversized life as a young man, when his wander lust led him on an unlikely journey from a small town in Alabama, around the world, and back again. Edward has a son called Will, a journalist. This intense young man is used to playing second fiddle to his dad, who is a superb raconteur with a great sense of humor. All his life, Will has listened to tales about Bloom’s adventures, yet he knows very little about who his father really is. When the old man is felled by illness, Will returns home with his pregnant wife Josephine. He is determined that before he has his own child, he had to find out the truth about his father. His mother, Sandra, hopes this quest will help reconcile the two men, who haven’t spoken to each other for three years. But first Will has to recall the stories his father has told him. The central thrust of a father-son reunion brings shivers of recognition to those who have sought to reconcile with distant or difficult parents.

Sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in a small town and we would like to move out and sample the lights of the big city. Unfortunately, there is no one to talk to about it, and no one to share the journey with. A while ago, I told a friend that the things that scare me would make her laugh. When I went ahead and told her and she didn’t laugh, I felt encouraged to talk more and it felt like a big weight had been lifted from my shoulders. With my friend walking with me, we are now slowly walking away from my small town and hopefully, we will be in the big city soon.

Edward was unwilling to be a “big fish in a small pond.” In the movie, he reads the encyclopedia and takes this little bit about goldfish to heart: “If goldfish are kept in a small bowl, they will remain small. With more space, the fish can double, triple or quadruple in size.”

What are the things that hold you back? Is it a stammer in your speech, or a dark secret from the past, or an impulse you cannot control, or an addiction, or a terror you have to live through daily? You might want to talk to someone about it, and this person might just be brave enough to walk with you from the small town of pain, suffering and regret and into the city where there is peace, happiness and all that potential that you know lies inside. Sometimes all we need is a guardian angel. Someone once told me that angels don’t always have wings. Most of them don’t even recognize themselves as angels. Look around, you might just have to gather the trust and courage it takes to tap someone on the shoulder and make him or her your angel. Who knows, it could even be that person that everyone considers ‘the monster.’

Can you remember the last time that you were at your worst? What had happened? Was another person responsible for making you feel that way? What did he or she do? How come it is always the same people who always make us feel so bad about ourselves? When that happens, we find ourselves hurting them even though we had not intended to do so. I guess it is a defense mechanism of some sort, or maybe it is just plain old ‘getting the score even.’ But even then, you know that inside you really are a good person; that you would never go out of your way to hurt another person unless you are provoked.

Supposing you try and extend that sentiment to that person who keeps hurting you all the time? Give them a chance and start liking them, empathizing with them, giving them credit. This approach is guaranteed to bring out more of the good side inside that person; you have had an occasional glimpse of it, haven’t you? I am sure you are tired of these on and off cycles that never seem to end.

We destroy our enemies by making them our friends.

I bet this person is pretty close to you – a relative, or a spouse, or partner, or a workmate? If he or she is, then this might be the best thing that you could do for both of you right now. The bonus is that each time you make this kind of effort, you will realize that you are even a better person than you thought.

“The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.”

- Eric Hoffer
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One incredible fact is that the lower we value the people we don’t like, the lower we value ourselves. Figure this out: If you hold yourself 10 points higher than a person that you value at 0, it means that you score a 10. If you decide to promote the value of the same person to a 10, your own score will now be at 20, right? If your enemy is an idiot, you would have to be a clever person. If your enemy is clever, you would have no choice but to be a genius.

Raise your enemy’s standards and yours will rise automatically!

What is your nationality? In which part of the world were you born? If you look at the globe, pick a country at random, assume that you were born there and let your imagination run wild, you will realize that under different circumstances, you would be a totally different person from who you are today. Chinese? Jamaican? Iraqi? Zimbabwean? Australian? Eskimo?

Make it a little more interesting and visualized yourself living in a different era from the one we are in today? Would you perhaps be a merchant, or a pagan, or a princess, or a slave, or a concubine, or an explorer, or a soldier recovering from a crude amputation in the First World War, or a prophet… who would you be?

Whenever I walk through Hargeisa, it always occurs to me that if I was born as a woman in Somaliland, I would now be a native Somali speaker, most probably a Muslim wearing clothes covering me from head to toe. And, I would not even think it as unusual since I would not know what being a Kenyan or a Christian or even a man feels like!

When I think about all these things, they make me realize that it is wrong for me to stereotype or discriminate. Whenever we look down at whites or blacks, Christians or Muslims, tribes or clans, men or women, we forget that just like ourselves, those people might not be what they are by choice. Who decided when, where, how and to whom you would be born? Wouldn’t you have been a man as easily as you are a woman, and vice versa? May be even a cripple? It is difficult to see through human eyes, but in the eyes of God we are all equal.

“The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. ”

- Ralph W. Sockman

The most interesting moment in my science class must have come when the story of a rotund man with a long beard who decided to take a bath was told one afternoon. According to the dramatic narration of my teacher, the old man whose name was Archimedes had asked his maid to fill the bathtub with warm water so that he could cleanse himself. Being good at following instructions, the maid filled the bathtub to the brim much to the annoyance of her master.

Now, Archimedes was puzzled. Earlier, the King had sent a lump of gold to the goldsmith to have a new crown made from it. Although the finished crown weighed exactly as much as the lump of gold had, the king suspected that the smith had ripped him off. Believing that the smith had kept some of the gold and made up the weight with copper and silver, the king asked Archimedes if he could prove his theory. Archimedes reckoned that a block of gold would weigh more than a block of silver or copper of the same size but he was sure that the king would probably not be pleased if he melted the crown to test it.

Anyway, Archimedes undressed and stepped inside the wooden bath, and slowly squatted on his haunches as he listened to the sound of the overflowing water splashing on the floor. Suddenly, he seemed to freeze for a moment before jumping out of the bathtub as if his bare buttocks had encountered an eel at the bottom of the tub. The maid was alarmed to hear commotion coming from the bathroom and as she hurriedly went to find out what was wrong, she was met by the horrifying spectacle of her master bolting out of the small room, as naked as the day he was born. All the while, the scientist who might as well have gone insane was shouting, “Eureka! Eureka!” with a wild look of triumph on his face.

‘Eureka’ is a Greek word that roughly translates in English to, ‘I have found it.’ It was later clarified that the excitement was caused by the insight that came to Archimedes when his body displaced water from the full bathtub. For, Archimedes had just found a solution to the King’s riddle.

The crown and the gold weighed the same in the air but Archimedes found that, in water, the crown weighed less (displaced more water) showing that its volume was larger. This proved that the crown was made of an alloy rather than the pure gold given by the king and that the goldsmith had cheated. And that led to the Archimedes Principle, which states that the buoyant force on a submerged object is equal to the weight of the fluid that is displaced by the object.

Since that science class many years ago, I have always wondered what would have happened had Archimedes not taken a bath that day. Would that discovery have been made? More importantly, would we all be floating aimlessly in the air if Sir Isaac Newton had not been hit on the head by an apple while resting under a tree, prompting him to discover the law of gravity? Probably not. Still, these are important questions to ponder when wondering about the significance of a single moment in the history of the world.

Over time, it has come to be generally accepted that it is not necessary for one to be taking a bath or sitting under an apple tree for a ‘Eureka!’ moment to happen. An ‘Aha! Experience’ – when the answer to a problem seems to pop out of thin air can happen anywhere and anytime. One known fact however is that you have to be looking for an answer to a problem before it is presented to you. That means that for you as for me, that moment could happen today!

I don’t know about you, but as I wait for the ‘Eureka!’ moment, I will consider doing a thing or two that I have been putting off for one reason or another. Do you have something of your own that has been begging for attention? Maybe writing an application letter, or talking to someone about how you feel, or registering for a course, or even visiting a clinic for a medical examination? That one action might just trigger your ‘Eureka!’ moment, or maybe it will only help you get one more thing out of the way.

Do you know that there are many things that go on in your body without you noticing them? The reality came to me this morning when I looked into the mirror and realized that it is time for another haircut. I also noticed that I have more gray hair than any other time I ever looked. Automatically, I did a quick calculation of what my age is going to be at my next birthday and realized that I might be getting old faster than I can keep up. I didn’t feel as old as my age said I was! But then I began to look for other signs of ageing and then I felt as old as my age says I am. Damn mirror!

If you are in your thirties, chances are that you might have had a moment or two of anxiety about your age in the recent past. Am I getting too old for marriage and family life? Is my youthful face degenerating too quickly? Have I already wasted too much time in a dead end job or career? Man, why am I not shedding any weight at the gym? Good questions when used to generate useful answers, but harmful questions when they result in desperate behavior.

I remember discussing this topic with a friend on the day that the 78-year-old Catholic Pope Benedict XVI was inaugurated. We realized that the man was at the helm of his career when most of his age mates are sizing up their coffins. Both of us being Kenyans, we took time to analyze the situation in our county.

In Kenya, civil servants are forced to retire from their jobs at the age of 55. That is generally taken by many to mean that a person’s active life is over. Unfortunately, those who believe this common misconception take it literally, and sit idly at their retirement homes, occasionally meeting fellow old timers for tete-a-tete over drinks at the local pub. These houses are mostly built away from the city and the pensioner will sometimes help out with manual tasks not undertaken since the days of youth. Little wonder then that the person will miraculously accelerate the ageing process and manage to look 75 by the time he or she is 60. The few more years remaining are lived in bitterness similar to that of a feisty soccer player substituted out of the game at half time.

If you are in your thirties, whatever and wherever you are today is a result of what has happened in your life since you were born – most of what you had no control over. What is going to happen until the time that you leave this world will depend on what you will do today and in days to come. If you decide to be active until you are 65, it means that you are just about half way in your productive life. Now here lays the question: What do you want to do between now and the time that you decide to voluntarily retire? Before you answer this question, I have to tell you that I probably hate the, ‘where do you see yourself in the next 5 years’ question more than you do. For that matter, let us take a different approach.

Consider this: Imagine that you have won a lottery with a prize worth five million dollars and you do not have to work for a living any more. Next, take a year to get all your travel out of the way – go to any place you have ever dreamt about. Now think: what would you want to do then? Maybe open up a little restaurant, or write, or become a lawyer, or start a business, or make clothes? Just sit back and exclude all the ‘must do’ things in your life. What if you could do whatever you want to do without having to worry about finances? Listen…What truly comes to you is what you have a real interest in doing.

Try to stay alive though

Can you visualize how good it would feel if at 60, you could be running your own show as an expert at what you are really interested in? If at present you have over 20 years to get there, don’t you think it is almost a certainty that your dream will come true? The best thing about the thing that we would really love to do in life is that we already know how to do it. Singing in the shower, writing flowery emails, making others laugh in public gatherings, offering a crying shoulder to friends, teaching young children, dancing: these are things that we love so much and that make us glow. Identify your ‘thing’ and start taking it more seriously today and you could be amazed by how much power you have been keeping hidden.

I guess I should stop worrying about my gray hair and start thinking about what is more important. After all, would it still be the same Nelson Mandela without his gray hair?

Once upon a time in the land of Egypt, a mother looked down fearfully at her three month old son lying in his crib. As usual, the half clothed chubby baby was engaged in a spirited movement of limbs that always occupied each of his waking moments, making it impossible to keep any clothes on him for more than a few minutes. The young woman bowed lower towards the child and in a playful shake of the head, her grinning face teased him from side to side. The baby responded readily to his mother’s smile with a sweet toothless wet one of his own that was more beautiful than anything the young Hebrew woman had ever seen. And once more, it broke her heart to know that she was about to lose him.

As is typical of a ruler who is not confident of his own leadership, the Pharaoh was afraid that the increase in the Hebrew population was a threat to him. For that reason, his paranoia instructed him to order that all baby boys born to Hebrew women be killed immediately. At that time, the Hebrew people had been in captivity in Egypt for about 400 years.

By some stroke of luck, the Hebrew woman had managed to hide her son until now. However, the boy was growing too first to be contained in hiding any longer. Being a strong believer, the young woman’s only feasible option was to pray.

The answer to the prayer came to her in the form of a plan. She woke up in the middle of the night and coated an ordinary wicker basket with wax. She then lined the basket with baby clothes and laid her son in it as he slept. Early the following morning, she took the basket and placed it within the reeds in the shallow waters at the bank of the river Nile. She then instructed her little daughter to stand at a distance and observe what would happen to the baby.

Just as the sun came up, the little girl saw a group of young maidens surrounding a regal woman walking towards the riverbank. She immediately recognized them as the Pharaoh’s daughter and her entourage. As they slowly walked towards the bathing spot further down the river, the young girl knew that they would pass by where the basket was hidden. Her heart was filled with fear since she knew that the Pharaoh’s daughter could immediately order the Hebrew boy to be killed, just as her father had decreed.

She felt something inside her body sink to the point of almost hitting the ground when the colorful group suddenly stopped. Through horrified eyes, she saw the Pharaoh’s daughter motion towards the river with her glimmering hand and on cue, one of the maidens moved a few steps into the water and was promptly swallowed by the reeds. There was a surprised cry and after a short while, the half soaked maiden emerge from the river with the wicker basket in her hands.

With her tiny heart beating within her small chest, the little girl sprinted towards the group of older females, ready to defend her brother at whatever cost. And then, something extraordinary happened. The Pharaoh’s daughter laid her eyes on the child and he opened his mouth to cry. The baby’s wretched sound touched something deep inside her being. Whatever chord the baby’s cry played compelled her to feel an overwhelming flood of love for him even though she recognized his Hebrew ancestry. Though childless herself, huge tears appeared in her beautiful eyes as she was confronted with the rawness of the child’s helplessness.

By then, the quick thinking girl had rapidly assessed the unexpected situation and with renewed hope, she asked with bated breathe if she could go and find a suitable Hebrew maid to take care of the baby on behalf of the Pharaoh’s daughter. Her timely request was granted and the girl went and called the baby’s own mother to nurse him. The Bible tells us that Moses, as the boy was named by the adoptive mother, grew up to be charged with the responsibility of leading the Israelites out of Egypt at the age of 40.

Our Little Moses

Despite their wish, parents sometimes find themselves separated from their children for various reasons; a career choice that demands traveling, divorce from a spouse, seeking education in a foreign country, a search for greener pastures, illness leading to hospitalization or institutionalization, and even being jailed for crime.

In dire circumstances, a parent will leave a baby under the care of a wolf and supplicate God to equip the beast with a humane heart for the child’s safe keeping. This is not the best care in the world since the child will learn how to bite, scratch, and growl but, what to do? Be thankful if you are lucky enough to leave your kids in good hands.

For most parents, the emotional pain of separation could be as acute as the physical pain of the severance of a limb. And just as it aches to try to do something with an arm and realizing that it is not there anymore, we never really get used to this kind of pain. Unlike Moses’s mother, we might not have the privilege of being there physically to watch our own grow.

Have you ever had to be content with looking at a photo blurred by the tears in your eyes as you sniff loudly and try to cope with the pain that your kid is going through while growing up without you? Or those unsatisfactory phone calls that sometimes do more harm than good? Or those moments that you are sure that your physical presence and simple touch would make more difference than any amount of money you could ever hope to send?

A child who misses his or her parents will sometimes refuse to accept any of the reasons given by the grown-ups. Such a child will withdraw, or even get his or herself into trouble just to get the parent’s attention. Fortunately or unfortunately, kids succeed in getting our attention by putting a tiny thorn of guilt inside the shoe of parenthood that we have to wear every day.

That said, we should never get tired of trying time and again to make them understand our circumstances whenever we get a chance to email, talk to them on the phone, or pay them a visit. Though it might appear like an exercise of futility, kids have a way of noticing every effort made in the positive, just as they do when no effort is made at all.

Whenever you feel the cloud of doubt beginning to rise, remember that God has told us numerous times that our children belong to Him as much as they belong to us. So, as in every other area of our human lives, let us do our best as parents and leave the rest to God. As you might know, this practice gives a peace of mind that cannot be obtained from any other place.

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“The good gardener knows with absolute certainty that if he does his part, if he gives the labour, the love, and every aid that his knowledge of his craft, experience of the conditions of his place, and exercise of his personal wit can work together to suggest, that so surely will God give the increase. Then with the honestly-earned success comes the consciousness of encouragement to renewed effort, and, as it were, an echo of the gracious words, ‘Well done my good and faithful servant’.”

- From Wood and Garden by Gertrude Jekyll , 1899

I had thus learned a second fact of great importance: this was that the planet the little prince came from was scarcely any larger than a house! But that did not really surprise me much. I knew very well that in addition to the great planets, such as the Earth, Jupiter, Mars, Venus, to which we have given names, there are also hundreds of others, some of which are so small that one has a hard time seeing them through the telescope.

When an astronomer discovers one of these he does not give it a name, but only a number. He might call it, for example, “Asteroid 325.”

I have serious reason to believe that the planet from which the little prince came is the asteroid known as B-612. This asteroid has only once been seen through the telescope. That was by a Turkish astronomer, in 1909.

On making his discovery, the astronomer had presented it to the International Astronomical Congress, in a great demonstration. But he was in Turkish costume, and so nobody would believe what he said. Grown-ups are like that…

Fortunately, however, for the reputation of Asteroid B-612, a Turkish dictator made a law that his subjects, under pain of death, should change to European costume. So in 1920 the astronomer gave his demonstration all over again, dressed with impressive style and elegance. And this time everybody accepted his report.

If I have told you these details about the asteroid, and made a note of its number for you, it is on account of the grown-ups and their ways. When you tell them that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you, “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand: “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?”

Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.

If you were to say to the grown-ups: “I saw a beautiful house made of rosy brick, with geraniums in the windows and doves on the roof,” they would not be able to get any idea of that house at all.

You would have to say to them: “I saw a house that cost $ 20,000.” Then they would exclaim: “Oh, what a pretty house that is!” Just so, you might say to them: “The proof that the little prince existed is that he was charming, that he laughed, and that he was looking for a sheep. If anybody wants a sheep, that is a proof that he exists.” And what good would it do to tell them that? They would shrug their shoulders, and treat you like a child. But if you said to them: “The planet he came from is Asteroid B-612,” then they would be convinced, and leave you in peace from their questions. They are like that. One must not hold it against them. Children should always show great forbearance toward grown-up people. But certainly, for us who understand life, figures are a matter of indifference.

I should have liked to begin this story in the fashion of the fairy-tales. I should have like to say: “Once upon a time there was a little prince who lived on a planet that was scarcely any bigger than himself, and who had need of a sheep…”

To those who understand life, that would have given a much greater air of truth to my story. For I do not want any one to read my book carelessly. I have suffered too much grief in setting down these memories. Six years have already passed since my friend went away from me, with his sheep. If I try to describe him here, it is to make sure that I shall not forget him. To forget a friend is sad. Not every one has had a friend. And if I forget him, I may become like the grown-ups who are no longer interested in anything but figures…

- Excerpts from ‘The Little Prince‘ by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Most businesses in Hargeisa close down between 1.00 pm and 4.00 pm every day. In that time, people eat their lunch and become dormant in the afternoon while chewing khat, taking siesta, catching up on friends and relatives, praying, or just sitting in a café as I did this afternoon. It was prickly hot today despite being the rainy season. Have you noticed how the sun is so vicious whenever it gets a chance to shine through the clouds during the rainy season? It reminds me of a vitriolic old man who will constantly remind the youth of the hardships they are yet to endure in life. The sun burns your skin and you incessantly itch, giving you the impression that the sweat you produce is poisonous. As the sun suddenly disappears from sight behind the clouds, I am not sure it does not have the foul smile of the vile old man whose tales of woe begin to make the young people start getting afraid of living.

The best thing that I could do for myself was to order a cold drink. Ordinarily, I would take a coke but since I was thirsty, I chose a sprite because of its color – more or less like a bleeding person would select a glass of tomato juice over mango or orange. Mine was one of those thirsts that give you a salty taste at the back of your mouth. The best way I know of conquering this kind of thirst is to take a long pull of your ice cold drink straight from the bottle, until your jaw aches. Thirst is instantly forgotten at the expense of urgently panting for breath as you simultaneously and involuntarily blow warm air from your lungs into your mouth in order to warm your frozen mandibles.

I thanked the waiter before pouring my drink into a tumbler that was delivered with my order. The bottle was brought directly from the fridge; a napkin from the table was stuck wetly on its bottom as I lifted and tilted it towards the tumbler. The sudden motion caused by the pouring made the carbonated drink to froth angrily and threaten to overflow before calming down into an invisibly choreographed fizz. As I lifted the tumbler with my other hand, the eagerly jumping tiny droplets of soda coated my lower face all the way to the top of my spectacles and I took a nice refreshing swig of my drink.

Within no time, the beads of condensation coating the cold bottle had slowly trickled down the sides causing the white napkin to yield into a soggy mess that was firmly plastered on the table the next time I lifted the bottle. Only when I was into my second glass on soft drink did the activities of a family of cats catch my full attention.

The cats were mating right before my eyes! When growing up, there used to be a myth that the spectacle of cats mating during the day brings good luck in life. I know a boy whose luck with girls was so bad, that he was always on the lookout for mating cats. As far as I know, he never got lucky with either girls or mating cats. I am not sure how the rest of his life turned out. If I may quote Thomas Jefferson, I can say that I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. You may not have seen mating cats in broad daylight, but I bet that you are capable of creating your own luck since as they say, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

In the 1997 movie called As good as it gets, an acid-tongued romance novelist (Jack Nicholson), a waitress juggling the responsibilities of single parenthood (Helen Hunt), and a gay artist whose career is at a crossroad (Greg Kinnear) form an unlikely bond. Although it is apartment proximity that initially brings these characters together, their fates become intertwined due to a dog named Verdell.

Jack Nicholson plays Melvin, a successful author who lives the life of a recluse. When the movie opens, he is depicted as so thoroughly rotten that it actually becomes difficult to root for him, even once he begins to mend his ways. He is a homophobic, anti-Semitic racist with an intense dislike for dogs and people. Every time he opens his mouth, something vicious comes out. The neighbors in his Greenwich Village apartment building all avoid him, and the waitress at his favorite restaurant barely tolerates his presence. To make matters worse, Melvin is afflicted with an obsessive-compulsive disorder that makes his behavior seem even more strange. He brings his own utensils when he goes out to dinner, he refuses to step on sidewalk cracks, and he wears gloves all the time.

Then something happens to change Melvin’s life. One of his neighbors, a gay artist named Simon (Greg Kinnear), is beaten up by a group of robbers. Simon’s dealer, Frank (Cuba Gooding Jr.), forces Melvin to care for Simon’s dog. Gradually, Melvin comes to love the little animal, and, after discovering a previously unsuspected wellspring of humanity deep within himself, he begins exercising it in other ways: paying a doctor to care for the sick son of his regular waitress, Carol (Helen Hunt), and offering Simon support when he comes home from the hospital. Of course, no one can change overnight, and there are times when the old Melvin rears his ugly head, leading to plot complications.

This offbeat comedy does bring a smile to the face and, perhaps in some cases, a tear to the eye. It allows us to see what obsessive-compulsive disorder “looks like.” Each time Melvin returns into his apartment, he has an elaborate but unnecessary ritual of flicking on and off the many locks that are fitted onto his door in order for him to feel safe, before removing his gloves and washing his hands with scalding hot water with more than one bar of soap.

As good as it gets reminds me of insecurities we suffer in life, even though we are not labeled as suffering from any psychological condition. If you used to love but got hurt, or you have searched for love in vain, or you have a mistrust that might stem from a painful childhood, then you understand how useful it is to keep your heart in a place where no one can reach it. You might know about ensuring that your heart is not fully immersed even when in a deep relationship, in case you need to make a hasty retreat that is pain free.

Unfortunately, this skeptism extends beyond us and like a drop of ink in clear water, reaches out to others as well. How often do you hear friends comment about a seemingly perfect relationship between a couple they know by uttering something like, “Well, they certainly do look happy together right now, but…let’s wait and see.” Later as they glow in the satisfaction of being successful prophets of doom, they will do all it takes to comfort the spurned friend and recruit him or her into the ‘bitter singles’ club.

Being untrusting to love does not mean that you cannot find yourself in a relationship. We all pray for happy endings, and even the most hard hearted person dreams of meeting a partner who would understand their fears and love them even more, despite their shortcomings. If you fall into this category, you might have an illusion that you are doing your best today, but to anyone looking, your efforts might seem as awkward as those of a guest who came to dinner, yet hangs on to the door with one foot inside the house and the other one firmly stuck outside. The problem with hanging on to the door is that even as you give company to your host, passersby easily distract you. Don’t you think that for once, you owe it to yourself to let go of that door and know what it is like for your heart to have a home?

In a bizarre turn of events in As good as it gets, Melvin finds himself having dinner in a restaurant with Carol, his regular waitress and here he utters probably the most memorable line in the movie when he declares to her; ‘You make me want to be a better man.’ How many people ever get a happy ending in their hurt lives as Melvin did? Away from the movies, in your life as in mine, a magical moment sometimes happens and a process unfolds where a withered heart starts to grow through all those layers of darkness, secrecy and deceit and emerges with the confidence that makes it possible to truly love again.