I like my friend Njeri because she is very truthful. And once in a while we have a conversation that leaves a lasting impression. Like the time she told me about the voices in her head and the way that they tell her all sorts of things. I was very interested and I asked her how she manages them. So she told me that she simply tells them to shut up. And they do.

So I thought I would do the same with the voices in my head. The reason is because they are always talking and they often say things that are hurtful. And so I looked for a time when they were busy and told them to shut up. I think I startled them because they paused for a bit then continued chattering as if nothing happened. And so I bolstered myself up some more and ordered them to shut up in a louder voice. And for a moment there, I thought I had succeeded, until they turned their wrath on me and started to threaten me. They started saying about all the nasty things that they can make happen in my life, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I got scared and didn’t dare to tell them to shut up again.

I continued wondering how I was going to quieten the voices. And after their threats, I realized just how audacious they were, and I knew that I had to figure out something smart. And so I began observing them in the time when there wasn’t much going on.

After some time of paying attention, I realized that when the voices are very active there is pressure in my head. And each time I relaxed consciously, the pressure eased and the voices grew quiet, giving much needed relief. I was happy with the discovery and I started taking time to relax in order to manage the pressure and the voices. And that is when, I discovered something even more interesting; I pinpointed the location in my head where the voices were coming from.

I learnt that when the voices were active – which was always – my attention in the brain was towards my left. The only way that I can explain it is by asking you to imagine holding a pen with your hand and writing in a book. If you are right handed, you notice that you are more inclined towards your right hand because it is ‘stronger’. I realized that when I was thinking, the left side of my brain was ‘stronger’. And when I switched my attention to the right side of my brain, the voices went off! It is like moving from the living room to the bedroom and realizing that the noise from the TV show – that you were not even watching – is no longer with you.

It was quite a relief to realize that my brain has compartments where I can ‘go’ and discover different things. At first, it is quite cumbersome – as trying to write with a left hand if you are right handed – and you can’t seem to be able to switch at will, but with practice you slowly learn how to. Apart from switching off the voices, moving your attention from one part of your brain to another enables you to let go of unwanted emotions. For example, if one of those things that come to mind and throw you off appears – say anxiety – you simply move from one part of your brain to another and they feeling dies off completely. What is most gratifying is that the freedom is present even in the presence of that which ordinarily makes you anxious.

All this is still new to me, and I am very excited by the possibilities. Of course at first it feels unreal and even makes you feel light headed – as you often do when something significant changes in your mind – but for anyone who has spent years trying to change how they think, this is as practical as it gets. In most cases we are taught how to change the what of thinking, but I believe what we need is to change the how of thinking.

Have you ever contemplated just how much space you occupy in this Universe? When it finally hit me, the thought was both scary and liberating at the same time. It was on a day when I was strolling in the City with a friend and it occurred to us that all the space that our bodies occupy in this world – in the Universe – was less than the volume of a green rubbish bin that was in front of us! It was scary to realize just how small I was. On that day in the midst of the tall buildings in the city, I saw myself as a tiny ant running up and down foraging – like all the others hurrying all around me to complete their errands before darkness fell.

As we just stood there with my friend looking at the green rubbish bin, we started wondering aloud why we often considered ourselves so important! That we thought that God – the Creator of the 6 billion human beings in the world, and all the trillions of stars in our Galaxy, and the trillions of Galaxies known to man – depended on what we do to be happy or unhappy. That if we do ‘good’ and sing praises to Him, he would be thrilled. That if we do ‘bad’ and forget to say just how magnificent He is, He would be angry at us. That as I write about Him and write god instead of God, He will not be pleased with me. And I think for the first time in my life, I was able to understand what the word ‘Ego’ means.

I have always known ego to indicate an inflated sense of importance, but I always associated it with having a lot of money, and machismo. But when I look at it now, I see it very much in myself as a religious and spiritual person. Just like a person would pop up a name of a famous person just to show how important he is, we often do the same as ‘Godly’ people. Have you heard people gossip maliciously about another and then conclude the session by saying, “Let’s pray for him/her”? Or when someone says magnanimously, “God spoke to me and said…..”

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with God speaking to anyone, but it is just that when one uses that claim as mileage to justify lack of reason, or to show off, then the motive is wrong; that’s ego. Incidentally, what many people consider to be the voice of God speaking to them, is the ‘voice in the head’ or the voice of ego.

Anyway, on that day, I felt liberated. Why? Because I was able to see that I do not have to change the world in order to feel purposeful. What do I mean by that? That my primary responsibility is to manage this small space that I have been given. And why is that so important? Because anything else is beyond my control. When I direct loving and generosity and compassion and praise and understand into that space, it quickly fills up and starts to overflow, and I can genuinely give to others. On the other hand, when I attempt to give these things to others with a hope to get back, I often feel cheated since I give what I never had in the first place.

When everywhere you look, people are scrambling for every available piece of land to occupy it is good to realize that I have my prime piece of real estate – right here.

A friend sent me an SMS on my phone asking what I would die for. At first I thought the answer would be easy but an hour later, I still hadn’t replied and so she called to ask. I didn’t have an answer to what I would die for. The reason is because in the time that I had thought about it, the question had seemed trickier than I would have imagined.

When I thought about the things that one should die for, my mind went back 2 years ago to the time when we had our last presidential elections. The results of the election were disputed and as a result, violence broke out and many innocent people lost their lives and property. In that group of people who lost their lives were a posse that went out into the front line in the name of the politician who they supported and hence believed had won the election. In other words, they were willing to give up their lives for the cause of the politician. And they died.

When I thought about it, I realized none of the politicians from the two parties in contention was willing to give their lives for their cause. Neither was to be seen anywhere near areas where the asphalt was burning with tires. And when they appeared in public to give statements – and sometimes pour more fuel into the fire – they were very well protected by professional body guards hired for that job.

Were the politicians willing to die for their cause? No! In fact the irony is that in any battle, it is the ones who have the least to gain that are always putting their lives on the line. The ones who have the most to gain are never willing to die.

Conventional romantic wisdom tells us that the ultimate test of love is when one is willing to die for the apple of their eye. If a boy loves a girl so much and even dies for her, common sense tells me that she will grieve for some time and then put the sorrow away to make room for love with someone else. I also suspect that when the girl is 90 years old, she will most probably consider the boy who lived with her all this time to be a hero. Wouldn’t it make more sense to find something to live for instead?

One of the most challenging conversations that I ever had was with a friend called Tom. He brought up the conversation by wondering why our fathers didn’t buy land in the City Centre when it was readily available many years ago. At the end of the conversation, Tom warned that 20 years from now, our children will be questioning about the same thing about their parents – us. After that conversation, one of the things that became very clear to me is that in 20 years’ time, that which will be of great value might not necessarily seem important today, and is most probably readily available; just as land in the City Centre was much cheaper and abundant to our fathers when they were young. The challenge is to identify what is readily available to us today that will be of great value 20 years from now.

Each time I think about it, I always conclude that that ‘thing’ that will be of great value in 20 years is consciousness. For the purpose of this article I will look at consciousness in terms of the scope that is defined by the boundaries of our mind. As we know, these boundaries are defined and marked as we develop in life. Up till our 20s, the boundaries are defined by our parents and teachers and relatives and friends. But then when we come out of the school and into the world of careers and jobs, the boundaries expand because we realize that it is mandatory in order for us to cope in our new found reality of financial responsibility. When we get married and start families in our 30s, the boundaries expand some more as we learn how to take on even more responsibilities in the world. By the time we are getting into our 40s, we more or less have found a handle on life and tend to settle into a routine that works very comfortably with us and those around us. And there lies the danger, for many people decide to settles into their mental boundaries for good.

What happens when a person settles into a fixed consciousness for good? Well, they remain in the same state of affairs year in and year out. And I am sure that you know of people who just settle into life and every day looks like another. In most cases, they hold the same job for years, maintain a predictable daily routine, go to the same social venues, maintain the same circle of friends and generally like their boats not to be rocked. If any of the parameters of such a person’s life changes, it appears as if their whole world has collapsed.

But is settling into a comfortable lifestyle so bad? No, it isn’t. But you see, there is a better way. What is that better way? The better way is for a person to take it upon themselves to expand the boundaries in their minds. How? Through ‘personal development’ initiatives. Such as sports and fitness, reading books, learning new skills, developing hobbies and so forth. Of course the benefits of such an approach to life include a healthy and happy lifestyle and even financial gains. For such a person, no day is like any other since the mental boundaries are always shifting and their consciousness is very dynamic.

If you compare the person who ’settled’ into their mental boundaries and the person who made a conscious effort to expand their mental boundaries, what will be the change in 20 years? I will tell you that if the difference were to be measured in acres of land, the first guy might have a quarter acre where he has his small comfortable house, and the second person will have hundreds of acres spread across various parts of the globe. And in 20 years time, what will the children say? The children of the first person will be wondering what their father did while other men developed themselves, and the children of the second will be increasing on what their father continues to build on.

I couldn’t wait to get to the office this morning. The reason is because I was excited to see if my downloads completed overnight. Among others, I am downloading Season 5 of “Entourage”, the complete works of George Michael, Celine Dion, Dido, and James Last, and my favorite – a whole 95 episodes of “The Muppet Show”. When I look at the statistics on my computer, I have downloaded 10 GB or data and uploaded 5 GB of data. Part of the excitement is because until a few days ago, Safaricom would sell 1 GB of downloaded data for KShs. 2,500. Now, for KShs. 1,000 you have unlimited internet access for 7 days. In just 2 days, I have downloaded data worth over KShs. 25,000!

For me, the proliferation of the Internet and the mobile phone are among the top indicators of just how much things can change in a few years. Slightly over 10 years ago, we would leave a 1 MB download to run overnight for 2 reasons; One, because it would take hours, and Two, because it was only at night when there would be a good chance that the download would complete successfully without timing out. It could take up to a week of daily attempts to successfully download a 1 MB software using a computer modem over the Kenya Posts and Telecommunications Corporation’s telephone line. Of course back then having a land line was a great achievement.

In 1990, I met a girl who had a key like none I had ever seen before. When I enquired what the key was used for, she said, “It is for my family’s home computer.” At that time, I had never seen a computer, and I couldn’t believe that anyone might have one at home. And from her description, I imagined that a computer had to look like a TV, but my deduction led me to conclude that it required an ignition key to turn on, just like a car!

In 1999, I was ecstatic at buying my first computer – a Pentium 1 with 4.3 GB hard disk. I remember the Dixon my Tech savvy friend telling me, “The hard disk in this computer has so much space that even your children will never fill it with data!” Given that the largest storage medium I had at my disposal was the 1.44 MB floppy disk, that was easy to believe. Now, I don’t have children yet and have already filled hard disks with hundreds of GB worth of data.

From how we know it today, how different will the world be in 20 years?

The other day, I made a bet with a total stranger who didn’t believe that it is possible for anyone to swim 50 lengths of the swimming pool without stopping. And it all started when I mentioned that I like swimming. That is when she asked how many lengths I can make in a pool. And so I said 50 because that was the number that I had done earlier in the day. She called me a liar, and that is when we shook hands on the bet for KShs. 1,000.

But neither would I have thought that swimming for a long distance was possible had I not lived in Mombasa about 2 years ago. In fact, I would have summed it in the same way that my friend did in an email, “When I go into the pool I’m so anxious to make this lap… and that lap… up to there, then I have chlorine in my eyes and in my mouth and after a few minutes I want to get out .” In the 6 months that I stayed at the coastal town, I would swim out into the open sea each day that I went to the beach. I would swim for as far as my courage and strength would allow me to. In the process, I learnt that the secret to swimming for long or far is to be relaxed; and especially if you are swimming in salty water, and against the waves.

Now, what is the number 1 secret to being relaxed? Breathe!

If you breathe effectively as you swim, it can become as effortless as walking, and with a little practice with your stroke you can easily do 50 or more lengths. It is possible to do this because it requires very little effort from your side to float or for your body to move through water. Why? Because of the buoying properties of water. Now imagine, if you were to walk up and down the length of a pool, how much effort would you require to do 50 lengths? Now imagine once again, if you were to walk up and down the length of a pool while holding your breathe, how many lengths would you be able to make? The only reason why many people only manage to blindly churn across the pool for a few meters and come up dazed is because they do it while holding their breathe. For anyone who thinks that swimming is hard work, learning how to breathe while in water totally changes everything!

If you can breathe effectively as you swim – or as you do anything else for that matter – then it becomes as effortless as walking.

If you have ever listened to news on a radio on Short Wave (SW) frequency, then you know that it is as dodgy as an artist trying to make a painting of clothes on a hanging line on a windy day. The voice of the announcer seems to drift in and out of clear hearing range, and one is forced to impatiently tinker with the dial in order to lock in the sound, if only to hear an importance announcement.

And so it seems to be for most people as far as happiness is concerned. One moment they have it, and the next they are trying to do something in order to get it back. It becomes a very fleeting business that is rife with frustration. And looking for happiness can become a very unhappy affair!

But is it possible to have a strong and purposeful grip of happiness? Can it be as clear and focused as the sound that comes from a radio of Frequency Modulation (FM)? Yes. And the reason is because it is something that is within our conscious control. Perhaps the virility of happiness can be captured in the meaning of the following quote by Abraham Lincoln (16th President of the United States):

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Someone asked me about the ‘Comfort Zone’. The first thing that came to mind is the fact that we all are looking for happiness in life. And each time we find happiness, we simultaneously discover a comfort zone. And yet, we are discouraged from being in the comfort zone. Conventional wisdom seems to suggest that we should always be looking for the bigger, better, shinier thing, and (quietly) implies that once we get it, we will be happier. In other words, postpone your happiness for another day or month or year. Surprisingly, the ardent proponents of this theory always tend to change their minds when all is said and done, and instead argue that people find out what is truly important in their lives early enough and enjoy it often.

So, what is it that is important in life? Is it wealth? Is it serving others? Is it giving time to religious causes? I have seen people who spend all their waking hours serving humanity, yet they do not consider what they do to be important enough to warrant a life time commitment. I have seen people who ‘work for God’ gladly walk out of that obligation to take up ‘human work’. We all have heard about or seen people who give up their wealth and affluent living to settle for modest lifestyles.

So, what is it that is important in life? If I was to think of the one single thing that I would say gives life meaning, it would be that which makes us happy. And yet, happiness puts us squarely in a comfort zone. Now, is that so bad?

I recently discovered a nice swimming spot in town. It is at the Meridian Court Hotel near the Globe Cinema Roundabout in Nairobi. The swimming pool is at the roof top of the hotel building 6 floors up. Compared to other swimming pools in Nairobi, it is large and clean, and not crowded at all. The cover charge per day is KShs. 200 and it is open to the public every day till 6pm. When I went there to swim on Sunday, I became concerned since my eyes became red and irritated. That usually happens each time I would go swimming and I attributed it to the Chlorine that is used to treat water in a swimming pool. Since I plan to swim at least 3 times a week, I decided to get myself a pair of swimming goggles to try and remedy the situation.

I did not know what to expect since I have never used swimming goggles before. Actually, each time I see anyone with a pair at the pool, I always assume that they are expert swimmers. In my mind, I associated anyone with a pair of swimming goggles and those tight briefs to be an expert swimmer. Maybe in the same way that I would expect anyone carrying a surfing board to be able to ride a wave.

And so yesterday I went to Nairobi Sports House to buy myself a pair of goggles. I have to admit that I was surprised to find most of them to be over KShs. 1,500. The most I had expected to spend was KShs. 600. Anyway, I got a good pair after parting with KShs. 2,100. The sales girl assured me that the ‘Speedo’ goggles would serve me well, and I said to myself “They had better!”

When I got to the swimming pool later in the afternoon, I wore my swimming goggles and got into the water. Even though I was expecting that my eyes would remain dry throughout the swimming experience, I was surprised to realize that I had a window through which to look at life inside the swimming pool! I am sure you know how the pool water usually looks cloudy when you look through it and you can’t even see other swimmers until you are just about to painfully bump into them. With swimming goggles, everything is bright and clear. It actually feels like looking into an aquarium.

At first, I kept getting out of breathe since I would forget that I was under water and stay too long without coming up for air. However, once I got used to the new vision, I began realizing the benefits of wearing swimming goggles. The first and most obvious benefit is that with a clear view of where you are going, it is so easy to free your mind to focus on your swimming techniques. For example I was able to practice swimming in a straight line since I could easily follow the small lines that are traced by the joints where two tiles come together on the swimming pool floor. Another benefit is that even when swimming under water, I could see the approach of those energetic guys who can easily mow you down as they furiously churn across the pool in a blind effort to get across by sheer brute force. And while steering clear of other swimmers you get the additional benefit of the guilt free thrill of discreetly checking them out from the waist below. Of course my eyes remained dry and for the first time, I came out of the swimming pool without any redness or sore vision.

My head is toying around with a quote that I read in a book; “The Thinker Thinks and the Prover Proves”. This saying is used in reference to our Conscious and Sub-Conscious mind. In general, it refers to the Conscious mind as the Thinker and the Sub-Conscious mind as the Prover. Being one of those people who once in a while gets lost in the woods of the concept of Conscious Mind and Sub-Conscious Mind, any explanation that comes along I welcome.

I will try to explain what I understand about this saying by telling you a story of what happened on Friday evening. I got home early expecting to have a quiet evening when two of my friends called and said they were coming over. I was glad because we hadn’t met in a while even though we had been trying to set up a meeting for some time, in vain.

When they arrived, we were all excited to share the news of what had been going on in our lives. But eventually, the conversation turned to an incident that happened in one of my friend’s office. It involved some two young men who were talking about drugs; in the casual way that two girlfriends might discuss the merits and demerits of a particular facial cream. In the course of that conversation, it emerged that the effects of one of the drugs is to make a person hallucinate ‘a little green man’. So, one of the young man advised the other, “If you see a little green man, just ignore him.” I would imagine that the little green man is a party pooper.

My friend was so petrified at the prospect of seeing a little green man that the rest of us brought up all sorts of stories to make fun of her. Soon, we exhausted the story of the little green man, and it emerged that my friend was carrying a copy of a movie called, “What the Blip do we Know?” None of us had watched it and when I put it in the DVD player, we all found ourselves captivated by the promising beginning. And so we decided to settle down and watch the movie.

The movie generally explains how we can free ourselves from destructive tendencies that we all find ourselves acting out over and over again in our lives. It talked about taking charge of life through understanding how we get ‘hooked’ into destructive cycles and addictions that we just cannot seem to break out of. For example, there was an overweight man at a party who was gorging himself with food to the point of bursting, and yet he continued even though he wanted to stop; he was addicted to food. In the explanation to how the situation comes about, the movie talks about the emotional attachment that the man had on food, and the dependency that his body had on the chemicals secreted by the thoughts that trigger the eating binge. Those retrogressive thoughts were represented as little green men that talked to the overweight man and mercilessly prodded him to eat.

When we got to that point of the movie, my ‘little green man’ friend suddenly shot up in disbelief. She just couldn’t fathom the fact that she had ‘attracted’ little green men in her life! It was pretty amazing to watch her reaction. She was even concerned that the overeating man didn’t take the advice to ignore the little green man!

“The Thinker Thinks and the Prover Proves”: My friend consciously thought about little green men, and her sub-conscious mind – the Prover – materialized little green men.

How do we end up with a habit? When the Thinker thinks and the Prover proves for long enough, then the Prover will become so competent that he will prove even without the Thinker having to think. The Prover just needs a signal – for example an image that existed whenever the Thinker thought – to know that it is yet again time to prove. The habit will become as automatic as looking up and down the road before crossing, or opening the mouth when a spoon approaches with food. Do we think about such things? And yet at some point in life, we had to learn by consciously thinking about it.

How do we break a habit? By having a different thought each time we are confronted with the same old situation that we do not want to re-live. The Thinker will think a different thought and the Prover will prove a different reality. Which comes down to what we already know; to break a habit, replace it with another habit.

It has been proven that when you follow a sequence of events for 21 days in a row, or for 21 times, then you form a habit. Any subsequent time you follow the same sequence of events, you reinforce the habit: similar to how the wheels of a car make a deeper imprint onto a dirt road with each subsequent pass. To break a habit? Try having a different thought each time confronted with the same old situation that you do not want for 21 days in a row. Not necessarily easy to do, but possible.